We  all get the feeling sometimes that we keep ourselves busy with shallow  stuff and that real and deep significance of things escape  us. There are many moments in the adult life when you find yourself  talking with somebody without having any sense whatsoever about what is  actually going on with that person. That gets even sadder when the  person you’re talking to is an old friend.

We can’t always put ourselves out there in conversations and expect  others to do as well. It would be to exhausting and constantly keeping  your guard down is no way to live and relate to people nowadays. Even  so, when you’re talking with an old friend or somebody that shows clear  signs of some kind of distress you feel like you should find a way to go  deeper with the conversation and be of some kind of help.

Talking with an old friend about some frivolous thing when you know  he or she is preoccupied with something else can estrange, alienate the  other and you can both end frustrated. Unless you ignore the subject by  intent you should make sure to start off with clear sympathetic  nonverbal signs of communication. Smile moderately and touch your  friend’s arm or shoulder as to show your support.

If your friend doesn’t seem to want to take it might just be because  he or she doesn’t think you would care or be comfortable with the  subject. If that’s the case first of all you should make sure you and  your friend and somewhere quiet and that no interference can threaten  your talk.

A deep conversation  starter is always in the tone. Ask how  that person is feeling and make sure you make it clear that you want to  know what is really happening inside and what troubles her or him.  Remind your friend of some other occasion when you helped each other and  try to make it easier for your friend to come out by trying to subtly  guess what’s wrong. Be dedicated to the conversation and say something  deep about yourself too, like an insecurity or something that also  troubles you. We all have something we wouldn’t mind to take off our  chest once in a while.

Deep conversations rarely take place between people who meet for the  first time but it’s not impossible. Sometimes the easiest way to talk  about your inner fears and problems is to do it with a stranger,  somebody who doesn’t know you and doesn’t have any prejudice in what  concerns your life and character.

When you just want to know a person better, a person who you find  attractive or who can even fascinate you, a deep conversation starter is  hard to find. You risk scaring the other person away for good. A good   starter would be one that tests the waters for following through  with the conversation. You could ask about a writer or a song to suggest  some deeper interest or you could just bluntly say you would like to  get to know him or her better.