Never claim to know everything there is to know about your boyfriend or you’ll just be setting yourself up for shock. The trouble with boyfriends is that even when you got yourself a really honest one he still won’t open up as much as you would like him to. Boys are like that. They don’t communicate all their thoughts though they think as much as we do, are just as insecure and, often enough, just as vain.

Boys are also just as egocentric as we can be and far from them the try to seem mysterious by intent. You are not wrong to perceive him as more naive than industrious. So then, do boys just not feel the need to share their emotions? Or are they so modest about their own thoughts? Or are we just too open in contrast to them? As women we do sometimes too eagerly look and ask for validation and reassurance for their emotions.

As a matter of fact it’s mainly the basic mechanism of our mindsets and interests. Women have an emotional locus for her thoughts whereas boys have more of an instinctual locus for their thoughts. They don’t break things apart so much and they answer when asked but rarely follow up on their insecurities though it can happen and the woman can definitely play a part.

There is never the need to nag him. Don’t harass him and don’t suffocate him. Remain independent and you’ll get much better results. The strategy is to never let your emotions get the best of you. Even so, don’t forget to let him know of your affection. As always there is a fine line and a sensitive balance in all matters of the heart.

But there’s always room for strategy and if you know what to ask and how to lead the conversation you can break into his most intimate thoughts in no time. You just need to be proactive.

To really get to know your boyfriend you have to basically study him as you would a primate. See what he likes, how he reacts to different stimulus, how he defends himself and so on. Then, when you have him cornered, let your questions subtly but efficiently play their part.

Start with neutral questions. Be interested in what he has be doing that day. Monitor any clues as to what got to him recently and then exploit that to the fullest. Did he have an argument with a good pal? What happened and why? Has he always felt a certain competition between them?

Try to move on to more personal platforms and don’t feel guilty to work on his weaknesses and insecurities. It’s in his own interest too. How can you help him if he’s not made vulnerable first? Don’t detail on his weaknesses but let him feel comfortable enough not to hide them from you.

You don’t have to psychoanalyze him but feel free to go more into the depth of his thoughts. If you don’t help him he’s probably never going to do it on his own and he’s bound to feel lightened from the load and, who knows, maybe even grateful. But do you also get your answers from this process of insight? If you know what you want to know and if you are truly committed, there’s bound to be something in it for you. You will be able to conclude on things like his moral standards, his sensitivity, his character.

Always lead the conversation, don’t be silent and he’ll follow.